Good Personal Relationship in Marriages

A Traditional Chinese Wedding

In this modern era of health consciousness, we talk of

good Cholesterol & bad Cholesterol, vitamin C & others.

In marriages, it helps to look into the “Cs” for good personal relationship.

Apart from the few Cs as mentioned above, what other Cs come to your mind that you might consider as important? Of course, we all need the great C as in Cash for our daily survival or to live in comfort & luxury. But that’s not the be all & end all of things. You’ll find that the richest of men are not necessarily the happiest. They are more than likely to have problems of greater magnitude than the less fortunate.

I believe Singapore girls, when selecting a partner or contemplating marriage, purportedly take into consideration these Five Cs – Cash, Condominium, Car, Career and Character. Modern Singapore is so full of slogans, and more recently I heard that the Five Cs have given way to Five Bs – Bachelor, Bank Account, Boss, BMW and Bungalow. The order of priorities varies from individual to individual. Whatever they are, it’s essentially confined to materialism or tangible assets. Love and marriage is traded like in the stock market or the choice is likened to the auction where the highest bidder merits the prize.

Going by the above there’s no basis for a long and enduring partnership in marriage. Physical attraction and materialistic assets soon fade with the passing years. The bond of love breaks loose from its weakest link and the link of Five Cs or Five Bs is not strong to begin with. Fragile link leads to fragile relationship. Human relationship is without a shadow of doubt the most fragile, in that it is complicated by emotion. A house that is not built upon strong foundation soon collapses. The fire of love cannot burn indefinitely or brightly without the right fuel of marriage.

They say that love makes the world go round. Spinning round and round makes you dizzy with headache setting in as you sail through rough waters. Material things can dwindle with time or disappear through misfortune or poor management. The meaning of things take on a different perspective too with the passage of time.For an enduring and lasting partnership, it calls for the right ingredients which are not provided for by the Five Cs or Five Bs. The greatest test of true love is through the test of time – what endures and what not.

The marriage vows spell out “for better or for worse”. Sadly enough, the latter means absolutely nothing. It’s all a question of money. Oftentimes, money problem breeds marriage problems. Many seemingly good marriages have collapsed under the weight of financial struggle. One wonders the whereabouts of love, fresh air and sunshine and all those rosy promises of getting the moon and the stars and dying for each other. Evidently, all the heartaches are spelt out in the court of law or the mediator’s office in terms of property settlement. All other considerations are thrown out of the window.

The bond of love is only secured through the commitment of one for the other through all kinds of weather, rain or shine, stormy or calm. Commitment will take care of the Five Cs or Five Bs. It seals the question of security, love, faith and hope – all vital ingredients that will withstand the test of time. Commitment takes care of the doom and gloom, war and peace, rain or shine, giving or taking, and unimaginable human problems. No more talk of complaints, criticism, or condemnation – all the negative ‘Cs’. Suffice to mention one good positive ”C” says it all for peace and harmony for always!

There are others, which you can ponder & discuss, such as being civil, content, considerate, comforting, consoling & compromising. To command & control will have to take back stage to avoid falling off the edge.

Try communicating & cooperating with each other

to chase all the blues away.

The picture of the divorce court is often one of ugliness

& the divorce lawyer is often portrayed in the middle

happily “milking the cow” with the husband & wife

pulling in opposing directions.

Say “Cheese” to bring on that smile for always!

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© Paul Chong