Sex’s Free . . . Love Costs

Sex’s Free . . . Love Costs

Is sex free? Doesn’t it cost in a relationship like love?

Perhaps it’s true to say “Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free.”

BATH-Goodall_Davids_promise.JPGOld King David being attended to by fair maidens

It’s a well known fact that man is about the only animal creation, with the exception of bonobos (pygmy chimpanzees) & dolphins, that indulges in “sex for pleasure”. Would you rather hold steadfast to the basic fundamental concept that sex is intended more for procreation? Like all pleasurable things, there’s this natural tendency of “abuse” rather than “use”.

In a proper perspective, where the activity is mutually pleasurable & beneficial, to say the least, where does cost come into play? The strange & ironic fact is that men are prepared to pay for their pleasure – to satisfy their urge to get that “feel good” disposition. In the absence of this element, if it were at all possible, then the oldest professional trade known to mankind would be non-existent.

Prostitution, however, has long been around . . . right from Biblical times. Why & how does “sex for pleasure” exist? Understandably, it is this copulation between the male & female (of any species) where such activity takes place apart from the pleasurable purpose of procreation or fertilisation. The theory or concept that a male is less likely to stray but staying put with one particular female partner, if she were more receptive to sex all the time & not just when she was fertile, is hardly ever practical or possible. For this reason, females generally develop that feigned or concealed ovulation to hold on to their men & trusting them to assist in the child-bringing up process.

Then again, men are by nature polygamous, always on the hunt for new conquests. (I guess the reverse could also be true for the sexually unsatisfied wives or females). In this respect, King Solomon was said to have over seven hundred wives of royal birth (for political reasons) & three hundred concubines (1 Kings 11:3). Even King David, a man after God’s own heart, acquired a young virgin, named Abishag, the prettiest in all the land, to keep him warm during his last dying days (1 Kings 1:1-3). David however had no intimate relations with her. Needless to say, the Chinese emperors through the different dynasties always had hundreds of concubines.

The Hebrew Bible is clear about men having multiple sex partners, for wives ensured legitimate heirs. Sadly however, a woman was limited to just one sex partner who ruled over her, unless she was a prostitute.

It seemed so utterly unfair to the woman that she would be punished harshly if caught to be unfaithful, whereas the man reserved the right for himself to engage in intercourse with a multitude of women. Right through Biblical history, all the great Patriarchs like Abraham, Jacob & Judah had multiple wives & concubines and they even delighted themselves with the occasional prostitute (Genesis 38:15). Isaac, considered by some scholars as a “legendary figure” was the exception of the Patriarchs. He was monogamous. Would you love your wife as Isaac loved Rebecca?

This is not a morality lesson & the discourse does not include deviant sexual practices. It elucidate the fact that sex is freely available, but love costs in terms of maintenance support & care & the fulfilment of responsibilities. There is a hefty price to be paid attached to being in love.

This presentation is not fully comprehensive, as I am in no way a professional sex therapist or doctor to know more than what I know. So I invite you, my readers, to offer your comments.

Paul Chong

A Chinese by Descent

An Australian by Consent

Thursday, 3 September 2009





But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that” – 1 Timothy 6:8, NIV

In this much troubled financial world of avarice greed & excessiveness, it’s well worth pondering over this basic human issue of contentment. What does it mean & what does it take?

A story is told of a king who was discontented. In fact he was so anxious, he couldn’t sleep, rest, or think. He called in his wise men and asked them what he could do. One very old and very wise man said, “Find a man in your kingdom who is content, then wear his shirt for a day and a night, and you will be content.”

That sounded like a good idea to the king, so he ordered some of his servants to search for such a person. Days blended into weeks before his servants returned. “Well,” said the king, “did you find a contented man?” “Yes, sire,” his servants replied. “Where is his shirt?” asked the king.

“Your Majesty, he didn’t have one.”

The syndrome of being possessed by your possessions rings more true than you care to admit. Do you think that a new car or a new stereo or new clothes or any other material thing will bring you contentment? Just think about it – even King Solomon, remembered traditionally as the greatest King of Israel, with all the worldly possessions, 700 wives and 300 concubines, found life as one of vanity and futility.

It’s said that the best things in life are free – a flower, a bird, streams, waterfall, a natural pool, fresh air and sunshine. In fact, all these things are God’s gifts to all of us, which quite often are taken for granted and not appreciated. Living a simple and contented life is easy, but it’s the complicated world that we live in that makes demands hard to cope. Be happy and content for what life has to offer. Forsake your wants so far as your needs are met with, for the list of wants is never ending and can never be satisfied.

Put your faith, hope and love upon Jesus. Turn to Him. As Proverbs 20:24 puts it: “A man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?” One of the most beautiful choruses sung in churches is:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of earth

Will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace.”

Paul Chong