Sex’s Free . . . Love Costs

Sex’s Free . . . Love Costs

Is sex free? Doesn’t it cost in a relationship like love?

Perhaps it’s true to say “Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free.”

BATH-Goodall_Davids_promise.JPGOld King David being attended to by fair maidens

It’s a well known fact that man is about the only animal creation, with the exception of bonobos (pygmy chimpanzees) & dolphins, that indulges in “sex for pleasure”. Would you rather hold steadfast to the basic fundamental concept that sex is intended more for procreation? Like all pleasurable things, there’s this natural tendency of “abuse” rather than “use”.

In a proper perspective, where the activity is mutually pleasurable & beneficial, to say the least, where does cost come into play? The strange & ironic fact is that men are prepared to pay for their pleasure – to satisfy their urge to get that “feel good” disposition. In the absence of this element, if it were at all possible, then the oldest professional trade known to mankind would be non-existent.

Prostitution, however, has long been around . . . right from Biblical times. Why & how does “sex for pleasure” exist? Understandably, it is this copulation between the male & female (of any species) where such activity takes place apart from the pleasurable purpose of procreation or fertilisation. The theory or concept that a male is less likely to stray but staying put with one particular female partner, if she were more receptive to sex all the time & not just when she was fertile, is hardly ever practical or possible. For this reason, females generally develop that feigned or concealed ovulation to hold on to their men & trusting them to assist in the child-bringing up process.

Then again, men are by nature polygamous, always on the hunt for new conquests. (I guess the reverse could also be true for the sexually unsatisfied wives or females). In this respect, King Solomon was said to have over seven hundred wives of royal birth (for political reasons) & three hundred concubines (1 Kings 11:3). Even King David, a man after God’s own heart, acquired a young virgin, named Abishag, the prettiest in all the land, to keep him warm during his last dying days (1 Kings 1:1-3). David however had no intimate relations with her. Needless to say, the Chinese emperors through the different dynasties always had hundreds of concubines.

The Hebrew Bible is clear about men having multiple sex partners, for wives ensured legitimate heirs. Sadly however, a woman was limited to just one sex partner who ruled over her, unless she was a prostitute.

It seemed so utterly unfair to the woman that she would be punished harshly if caught to be unfaithful, whereas the man reserved the right for himself to engage in intercourse with a multitude of women. Right through Biblical history, all the great Patriarchs like Abraham, Jacob & Judah had multiple wives & concubines and they even delighted themselves with the occasional prostitute (Genesis 38:15). Isaac, considered by some scholars as a “legendary figure” was the exception of the Patriarchs. He was monogamous. Would you love your wife as Isaac loved Rebecca?

This is not a morality lesson & the discourse does not include deviant sexual practices. It elucidate the fact that sex is freely available, but love costs in terms of maintenance support & care & the fulfilment of responsibilities. There is a hefty price to be paid attached to being in love.

This presentation is not fully comprehensive, as I am in no way a professional sex therapist or doctor to know more than what I know. So I invite you, my readers, to offer your comments.

Paul Chong

A Chinese by Descent

An Australian by Consent

Thursday, 3 September 2009


3 thoughts on “Sex’s Free . . . Love Costs


    It could be talked about for hours and hours; what do we make of sex and our relation to it? In general though I feel we can learn much from the older history of China and how couples had sex manuals and how it was more accepted and balanced with their view on how it affected health and happiness. Their knowledge of sex and health back then and now is still superior to the modern western world. I think the Chinese Tonic Herbs are one of the precious jewels of China and the way they intertwined their use with sex, health, and spirituality. A modern day example of this is the herbal product Royal Tiger.

  2. Charles Christano

    Dear Paul.

    As always I enjoy your writings and musings.In the case of Isaac, he stood out apart from the other Patriarchs in the arena of multiple marriages. He was considered as a legendary figure without any evidence of being polygamous.


  3. James

    Bro Paul,

    Have you not heard about the Chinese saying that a key by itself makes no noise, but two or three keys together makes a din! One wife is enough, if she is like the one described in proverbs 31.
    Love costs a lot… in time, commitment etc. But ex is not ‘free’ either. The ‘cost’ is of a different finance, health, peace of mind or even something far more valuable!

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